September 11th

I am not sure how to put into words what this day means to me now.  10 years ago I was not an Army wife, I was a teacher, pregnant with my first baby and ignorant to how much this day would effect my life.  I remember being in circle time with my students and it was my day to be observed, of course.  The tv was not on in my classroom but my phone kept ringing and my co teacher came in and said to turn the tv on.  We sat and watched and my heart was breaking for all those people.  I got through the day and went home and could not turn off the tv.  Yes I was sad, yes I cried, yes I prayed but I still didn't have a deep connection to it. I think what I should say is that the way I felt about it then does not compare to how I feel about it now. 

My biggest worry at the time was bringing a child into this world now after this. How much his life would be different than mine, how he wouldn't know the same things that I knew. He would have a new normal and that made me sad.

My son was born in March of 2002 and by then things had calmed down a bit.  Yes we were at war and security measures were high.  We now had a terror alert system and it took a lot longer to board a plane.  Zachary's dad and I had grown apart and I was a single mom teaching and living life.  I never forgot but it wasn't always on my mind. 
 
Fast forward to July of 2004 and a girls weekend in Nashville, you know that little town only 30 mins from Ft. Campbell, home of a million soldiers.  One night I met this soldier while at Tootsies, a bar tourist attraction in downtown.  I can not tell you how this night would change my life.  I was in NO WAY looking for a relationship, especially not with a silly soldier.  God had other plans, let me tell you. 
 
1 year and a couple of months after I met the love of my life he left me to go to Iraq.  Wow, what an eye opener that was.  September 11th took on a whole new meaning to me.  War took on a whole new meaning to me.  Prayer took on a whole new meaning to me.
 



I got into my car right after this and had to watch him walk away from me for a year.  Hardest thing I have ever done!



Today, 10 years later, I am a mom to 3 boys who do not know what life was like before 9-11.  They were born into a country that was at war and still is.  They know no different.  My oldest one understands that daddy might have to go back to Iraq and that what he does in important.  As long as my husband serves his country his boys will have to deal with him being gone.
10 years later I am an Army wife.  I welcomed my husband back from a war that changed him forever.  I have a deeper connection to the events that took place on 9-11 now then I did then.  I live with the fact that my soldier might have to return to Iraq and he might not return to us.  10 years ago that was not a thought I had.  I always stood at the National Anthem at ballgames, now not only do I stand but I am usually teary eyed singing along.  The words "home of the brave" now take on a different meaning.  Sights like I saw Thursday night before the Packers/Saints game of the people in the stands forming a flag touch my heart.  They make me smile and remember what this country is about. 

10 years later, I wear the Army wife label proudly as do many others.  I am proud, not only of him, but of all who serve and I count them all as family.  I now have many close friends who stand in harms way for our freedom.  My family grew so much when I married my husband.  I have given birth to 3 boys but I have taken care of a few more than that.  So today I will stop as I do every day and thank God for allowing me to live in a free country.  I will thank God for our military and I will pray that he will protect them.  I will pray for all those that lost loved ones on 9-11 and those who continue to lose loved ones in war, but most importantly I will never forget.